Struggling during the Holiday season

Ok huge post coming up apologies............
I am soooo pissed off with myself! Got weighed yesterday and had a great week lost one n half pounds woo hoo and all good. Started today doing well, exercised and went for a walk was great up till about 7pm had my mushroom stir fry but was just wanting stodge.

Have all this naughty treat stuff in the house what with it being Christmas in a few days and normally I just dont have any tempting things in the home so this is first big challenge to have it all under my nose n resist and am failing !

So had my dinner but then just fell right off the good diet wagon n had two small slices of Carrot cake n three weight watchers choc bars out my WW selection box n half a tub of Pringles!!!! How greedy is that ! I couldn't resist n now feel so mad n bloated n yuk! I know its just one off but was saving my weekly treat allowance to have a good time Christmas day now Ive spoilt it by being naughty n its not Christmas yet.

Phoned a few friends in need of major pep talk n needed to moan am being told to chill n that am overreacting? Maybe I am n its not the major disaster I think it is, they are probs right n I need to give myself a break but I know my body n I only have to look at summat naughty n put it on so fast n easy n all the sweat n hard graft I have done could be ruined if I carry on like this n so don't want to go back get weighed in two weeks n have put on half a stone!!!

I must not carry on like this if I have even just a little treat each day all the will be spoilt. I know its Christmas blah blah you can have a treat but yes I intended to treat myself Christmas day its just Ive be naughty today now will I be able to resist the other holiday season days???

Then there are people with proper problems n I feel foolish n shouldn't moan about stupid things that are not important. It's just my issue my thing I am dealing with to improve my life its the thing that controls me that I want to change so felt I needed to blog to get it all out as I feel my constant diet talk is starting to bore people well It is my daughter I know that as she tells me!

I have pledged to have a booze free Christmas as am not that fussed will be on my own and it will do me good, have also pledged to exercise everyday even Christmas day by going for a long afternoon walk all this to make up for naughty food n hope to maintain weight n not put on, n I will stick to all of that its just not letting my mind control me n give in to want n whims n be greedy when its not through hunger its just Christmas indulgence n its isn't worth it, have to remind myself of that.

If I get to target I can let loose next Christmas its just one Crimbo, one year just have to keep the strong willpower up despite what everyone tell me bless them I know they are being kind but I am so unhappy like this Ive wasted all my twenties being low in confidence n being unhealthy that I don't want to have a day or two off the diet or I might just crumble n not get back in to it I'm not as strong as I seem !!!!

My temper is raging tonight my daughter is being a pain n giving me hassle n not encouragement, I want her to feel proud of me not get annoyed with me for constant talk of healthy this n that ( It helps me doesn't she get that?) I'm angry at myself n tired.

Christmas is so normally fun n enjoyment alongside lazy days n overindulgence n the change is making me grumpy as it doesn't seem like Christmas. Roll on 2011, Roll on next week n roll on tomorrow n hope I can stop the self pity n get on as normal n leave the goodies till Christmas day n have only a little bit n not go to overboard for the sake of it.