Hello again

I am a terrible Blogger! Last blog post was May how bad is that!!! Well update needed, I got in to the ten stone bracket just yay and was very pleased but then put bit of weight back on but have then since been stuck but I am maintaining which is fab that i can do that but not great when I'm not at goal yet! I am stuck around eleven stone i tend to be very good all week and stay 11 by fri i am usually a pound or two under 11 then weekend i have stoped dieting and just enjoy what i want when i want it and so by Monday am usually just over 11 and then that is my cycle at the moment! I have stoped going to Weight Watchers and this is props not good as to go would help me more but have changed to a much better job for me but sadly took a bit of a pay cut so cant afford to go and also cant afford to go Zumba class either it would mean id have no money for a life at the weekend to go out n about with my daughter and partner so that matters more to me. Also Ive fell in love and am in a very happy relationship yay :) As most women know this can help you relax and get cosy n comfortable and put on weight. I think this is due to the fact u maybe eat out together and drink and socialise more and hell they seen you naked all the wobbly bits the ten chins and they still love you so what the hell, that sound familiar peeps ? But I am still counting all my points Monday to Friday being good and exercising a bit in the week (need to do more though) I jog still or do my exercise DVDs at home. I really do want to drop more |I am not happy at 112 stone i want another stone off but unless i start counting at the weekends again n be back to 100 % it ain't gonna happen and I know that its just distractions are everywhere now and my diet was the main focus before and now its not its droped in priority so I need to shift it up  and focus.

Weigh In day

Ok so I was right It was terrible I put on loads, enough said!!!

Feeling total rubbish !

OK I did it last week got past the hurdle of losing 4 stone so was very proud and happy. However this week has been rubbish I mean so so bad!!! I have not had a bad day or two or a bad week I'm gonna be total honest here its been a bad week Ive lost it not exercised lost will power and just acted like I used to and am feeling so crap about it. It was socialising and partying way to much drinking and BBQ's that I thought sod it might as well go the whole hog am gonna put weight on this week anyway( such a bad attitude)

Even tonight knowing I got to weigh in tomorrow I cheated couldn't stop myself just a few days or so of eating rubbish is such a no no as in that fast a time you crave the junk you get the rush n then the come down n hunger pains n eat more n yep there is the vicious circle that all over eaters face and it regains control that quick hence why this has to be changes for life and a battle i always have to fight. Of course i can when slim have naughty weekends n have fun but no more than 2 and i must work to make up for it get in the exercise not ignore my problem like always that's whats got me in to this mess.

I feel so down n tired n drained didn't got to Zumba tonight as I had a bad migraine and I know why because of the rubbish that's been in my system this week hardly had any proper good food and I was having hunger pains n craving carbs and sugar so now n I will so get back on it tomorrow for sure I will need to have a few days withdraw from the junk n salt in my body and it will hurt shrinking my stomach like the start of the diet again n hate that it sucks but its my own dam doing!!!

I can see my chin has grown this week ( vile ) and my stomach is so bloated n I'm just feeling Gross and very very chicken I don't want to go n get weighed i don't want the humiliation its going to be total shame really such a fail I know I will have gone back in to the twelves again after trying so hard to get out of them I'm disgusting really I am.

Yes the fun drinking n that with friends was great but I should of had self control and could of had fun without the extremes there was no need! I always run away and hide but I'm going to go Weight Watchers and pay my £6 for gaining weight ( what a foolish waste n all my own doing again!) I just pray to go Ive not put on half a stone in a week that will be very very bad n way to much but feel its sadly very possible seriously this wasn't no ikkle slip of gaining a few pounds i just lived like the old me n spoilt myself constantly, eating sugar cereal ( big bowls ) toast n cheese or a normal bread sandwich n then Chinese n cake or a BBQ or sausage and mash and days of drinking wine n gin n greedy amounts ( always terrible with the drink )  etc etc eeek!!!!!

So many excuses seeing friends royal wedding sun shinning, bank holiday blah blah but what it boils down to is Ive had a few things on my mind n cheered myself up by having a ball n being Miss party n lets treat myself with food make everything all full n happy n lovely n no all its done is make me feel yuk!

So just had to blog n get out the stuff on my mind to help me sleep as I'm in tears here n cant drop off I don't want to gain it all n go back to that person I wanna be free n beautiful n healthy n have a dam life where i have fun doing stuff n fun isn't a meal or a treat of crappy food in frount of a dvd alone forever I wanna find love at some point, but more important than that I wann feel good and be content and its so shite really and oh my god i cant believe I'm being this open n honest in a fecking blog!!!

I'm quite tempted to rewrite or not post this on Fb for people to click on the link but no I'm gonna be real n face the shit for once! Ive done so dam well changed me and this week has been like a bad dream n horrid blast from the past n not worth it so I will be good guarantee to myself to lose as of nest week ( tomorrow forget it!) But I haven't gone that back that I will quit I never want to be like that n am to stubborn so I'm gonna work hard all week. I will never meet someone till I love me n was starting to very slowly n am not killing the relationship I am starting with me, I'm worth more.

So I will prty n drink but will exercise next day n eat very low calories before n day after to make up n balance it like Ive been doing not say sod it, this will be the week to forget and its done Ive been honest Ive cry ed I will face the number tomorrow n move on That's that!

Ps I dunno if i will be honest about how much I gain tomorow ??? I will go though promise just wanna get back on target track asap or i will be gutted.

Weigh in Day(update)

Yessss 2lbs off today that mean I am in the 11stone bracket at last n out of the 12's FINALLY! 2lbs short of losin 4 stone so bring it on next wk :)

Spring and everythings growing even me just not in size!

Hi had a lovely week saw friends and it was Mother's day and I had a nice lunch with my daughter. Both theses events involved cheating but all was in moderation I ate well and stuck to points on Saturday night just was bit naughty with a few Gin n Tonics then Sunday I had fish and Chips at the pub n boy was it yummy but did have fruit salad after n resisted the choc pud so that was good for me! Last few day's ive ate good and really did lots of sweating yesterday I ran round the block went to Zumba, walked two miles and did a fitness dvd, today im shattered! But all worth it must of got rid of the fish n chips/ booze calories and more as lost 2 lbs this week :)

Yesterday my jog was a bit of  a breakthrough i got a further distance and joged the whole way round the block with out stoping once and untill then had never done that befor always had to have a little walk inbetween so was really chuffed!

I sat and thought about as a person I am getting so much more energetic now and the good fuel i am putting inside me is doing the power of good. Exersise is starting to really give me such highs after a Zumba session each week im always buzzing and want to run for a while after as have to much energy and after a stressfull time at work or just one of them day's a bit of exersise puts smile back on my face and before it was food that did that I would comfort myself with a drink, chocolate or a take away. Im not saying still dont now and again but being with my friend and giving my body a good ass kickin really, unbeliveable as it sounds is so much more enjoyable!

Im getting a life at last my confidence has grown its not 100 % and dont think it will ever be but i was getting to the point where i didnt want to go out because id rather hide indoors where no one could see me as I hated to be next to my beautiful friends looking like a slob, i didnt want to dance because i wobbled! This wasent me, I used to years ago love going out and now im coming back at last.

All i want to do at the moment in the lovely spring sunshine is run and have fun at work tonight we were on a walk at a local woods and i was skipping and raceing the children and it was fun and I didnt care what i looked like if i was jiggling around they were having a good time and so was I.

I thought I was just on a diet and making changes to my long term health and looks but no it's so much more I have improved my emotions, mental well being and feel like a better happy person and a better Mum slowly the social life is on the up and I have noticed my moods are great now I used to suffer terrible with PMT but i am finding I go months now and am fine then when i do have its it's no longer as bad as before.

I looked at some Photo's of me a year ago and they are so horrible I never want to be that big again, I still cant belive i let myself get like that, i really was trapped inside myself.

Easter is coming up next few weeks and you know Im at the moment not even bothered about Chocolate and not dreading it I think i will not even over indulge and be fine ( give it a few weeks i will probs be eating my words afetr eating other things i shouldnt ha ha hope not though)

In this weeks mini weight watchers magazine there are some great new recipes and I am eating a lot of the same old things and think im going to try at least three new dishes this week and see how I get on. I will let you know.

Goodness that was a long post I do go on a bit dont I sorry peeps ;)

Weigh in day

Yes lost 3 pounds this week so on target to get to the next stone off only five more pounds to go n that's 4 st Bring it on baby! I felt bloated n fat today 2 weird ?

Slowly slowly Catchy Monkey!

Lost another four pounds this last two weeks so pleased its going down at a nice gentle pace right now but as they say slow and steady wins the race! Trying to stick to my mini targets I set myself and want to get another stone off by mid April so need to lose at least 2 pounds next week then keep at that pace n all will be good so ? Going to walk walk and walk some more this week as the sun is shinning and its beautiful really lifts the mood.